can't always get what you want

 i'm actively working super hard to stay positive and grow and appreciate everything, even though 2025 has been a nightmare so far. i'm training at a new job and so grateful for it, even though it means a pay cut for a lot of difficulty. i'm also really confused, as i'm feeling more on an island than i have been for ages. i thought i was setting the right boundaries for myself in order to take the space i needed to learn about myself, but lately it feels like i've detached from people who do care because i made the wrong choices. 

i can survive alone; i have before and will again. it's just tough to acknowledge that i finally let myself trust and sometimes that trust means what you get from it is trust is sometimes accepting that people give you  what you need and not what makes you feel better. 

in shadows

 it's 2025 now. most of my soul is grateful that i'm still here. the rest of it is kind of confused as the handful of people i've reached out to with genuine vulnerability in my unsteadiness are either frustrated with me for not being who they want me to be, or here only as much as i can be there for them, or not in a place where they can healthily listen to my bullshit (that one's understandable). 

what about me, though? i know the goal is to not need anyone else's approval, but sometimes we all need to hear we're okay and enough, right? that's not weakness, it's humanity.